It was the fall of 2010 and I was broken. I’d moved back home after graduating from college and I had no idea of how to transition from my past and live in the moment that was now before me. The home that I once knew was now foreign and I wanted my old life back, I wanted to cling to my college friends, my independence, my handsome boyfriend and all that I had become to know as “life”. Unfortunately, life had decided that it was time for me to enter into a new season, a dry and brittle season, a breaking season.
Let’s go back just 6 months prior to my college graduation, I was so happy. There was a confidence in my walk that I had never known before and it was amazing. In fact, I felt so good that I decided to take on the ‘natural movement.’ Therefore, March of 2010, I went natural. To be honest, I debated the decision for months if not longer. However, before I made the decision to go natural I had begun to notice the changes that my hair was experiencing. My hair went from thick and strong to thin and weak. Therefore, I decided to forgo the “creamy crack” and get that old thing back, but I had no idea what awaited me in this decision.
At first, the transition was quite easy because, I had a college friend who roller set my hair, which did wonders for me. When I graduated and moved back home unfortunately my “free” stylist did not accompany me. If any of you were like me after graduating from college, you were broke! Paying to get my hair done weekly was not an option. But your girl is resourceful! So I did the next best thing, I got braids. Now its been 5 weeks or so and my braids have wore out their welcome. I was forced to reclaim my scalp…lol! Excited about how much growth I had, I went to my beautician and she informed me “Denise, your hair is breaking off. Where the natural and relaxed textures are meeting is breaking. You will either have to relax your hair or cut it.”
The state of my hair was the exact reality of my life. I was trying to grow into a new life, but still hold on to pieces of my past life. I had tried to transition from the former me to a newer me but I did not know transition would also invite in opposition and I was ill-prepared so it broke me. I thought this transition would be easy. I thought life would continue to smile upon me, I had no idea that my natural transition would also bring about loss.
So I sat in my stylist chair and she asked me, “So what are you going to do?” I replied “You can cut it.” She knew something was up, she had been doing my hair since I was a little girl so she immediately responded, “you and your boyfriend broke up?” I nodded and she began to cut off the inches that I thought for so many years made me beautiful. I was numb, I didn’t care about having long pretty hair anymore, I just wanted a change and so as she chopped I realized that there was no turning back. I was transitioning from relaxed to natural… I was transitioning from brokenness to wholeness…. I was transitioning from self-doubt to self-love…I was transitioning!